So… I was having symptoms of a UTI. Think that’s TMI? Just hang on! 😉
After a few days of home remedies with no improvement I made the appropriate doc appointment for ridiculously early the next morning.
As is custom, upon arrival, you check in at the desk, you wait your turn, you leave a sample and you sit in the back room while the nurse asks, “Why are you here today?”
So I begin to answer – attempting to explain my concerns – but not seeming to reach her…
She keeps repeating similar questions about “frequency” or “urgency”…
In an attempt to lighten an awkward moment (dammit! I know better than to try that! It never ever works for me!) Bravely (uhhh stupidly!) I press on.
mE: It’s more like I’m having problems getting finished… dribbly… You know, it’s like when you hear old men talk about having an enlarged prostate… that’s kinda what it’s feeling like.
The nurse calmly places her chart on the desk and looks me in the eye as she begins her…. explanation… (ie: lecture)…
Nurse: Okay, well, first… you do not have a prostate. So let’s take that off the table.
mE: (grinning – assuming she is teasing). Yeah – hehe.
Nurse (continues): See that is only men. You might have a kink of something in… blah blah blah…
Her voice fades and echoes and bounces around – completely drowned out by the screaming in my head: She’s teasing right! I KNOW I don’t have a prostate! What in the world! Why is she still explaining this to ME! I know a stinking LOT about these things! Duh! We work in healthcare… WAIT! STOP!! What is happening! I know this!! It was an illustration! It was an example…. I KNOW!!!
Nurse: … So prostate is nothing for you to be worried about…
mE: I was joking! I KNOW I don’t have that – only men do.
Nurse: Exactly – so see, you don’t have to worry that you have an enlarged prostate…
I am absolutely horrified. Inappropriate amounts of horrified. I am suddenly consumed with the need for this person I just met to KNOW that I know that women do not have prostates!
I eventually realize that the more I say the more she thinks she has just educated me and taught me something I did not know. There is no earthly way I can make this better. So I take a big, deep breath. I swallow what is left of my pride. Smile weakly and say, “Right.”
She smiles brightly and says, “Ok good! Now hop up on the table, I’ll do a quick scan and make sure your bladder is empty.
In a stupor I climb on the exam table and resolve in my heart that – some people are just never, ever going to understand you. In fact… being misunderstood is a very painful part of human life. And, as much as it TOTALLY SUCKS, sometimes we just have to let it be.
I lift my dress up to my waist as she places a small instrument on my stomach. And then I remember. In bits and flashes and horror. Jumping out of bed when the early alarm buzzed. Feeding the dog. Brushing my teeth. Throwing on clothes – but WAIT. I was out of clean underwear. (Shut up! If that has never happened to you then… then… well good for you! It happens here! Not often… maybe… but it does!)
So… in my haste because we had just returned home from a long trip and I hadn’t had time to wash or really unpack even and not wanting to look thru the dryer because I was in a hurry and yes I’m totally trying to justify this now but the bottom line is:
NO CLEAN UNDERWEAR.
So in my rush I grabbed a pair of Marcs.
I was on the exam table. Dress yanked up to my shoulders. Nurse touching my tummy. While wearing my husbands tidy-whities.
I was, not only the crazy lady who wouldn’t stop talking and came into the office worried about her prostate – I was also wearing mens underwear.
Somedays just go that way… And learning to let go of other’s incorrect perceptions is a skill we all have to learn if we don’t want to lose or everlovin’ minds.
Even when it’s hard. Even when we are in pain and looking for answers and support… It just doesn’t always come from those we expect it to offer it.
So… we grab our hearts, gather up our courage, release our need to be validated by those who simply can’t… and move bravely forward.
And then blog about it and tell the world – for the record – I NEVER EVER THOUGHT I HAD A PROSTATE!
Sigh. What else are you gonna do?